Just before Thanksgiving my “back went out”, which is to say that I had the most searing and awful pain ever, worse than childbirth. I’ve been dealing for several months with back pain and sciatica — this was a whole new level. After the urgent care and then my regular doctor and then various tests, the pain is less or the medicines are working (or both) and my thoughts turned to God and scripture. I have a “herniated disk” pressing on my sciatic nerve — I may always have to be mindful of this and change how I move, how I exercise, keep my core strengthened, etc. Right now my left foot is “funny” and I can’t stand on my toes on that foot. Will it get better?
One of the pain-control things is to lie on a heating pad, for up to 30 mins at a time. And I thought “Really? Who has 30 minutes to lie about? And over and over again? This is so boring. I’ve so tired of TV. It is so hard to read laying on your back. I just want this pain and this problem to go away. I want to get back to normal. I was just about to get organized about my prayer life and about lectio divinia and other stuff. I was just about to get serious about going beyond prayers for intercession (not that they aren’t needed, they are!). Oh God, help me so I can know you better.”
Yeah God was laughing, you bet.
It’s a tad embarrassing how long it took me to catch on that having to lay on a heating pad with nothing to do several times a day is an introduction and an invitation to prayer.
While pain and prayer are a hard mixture, already I have a glimpse that “healing” and “cure” are not the same and “healing” in the waiting for cure is an amazing gift of grace.